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Extreme challenges are fun! (Really?)

Why do people crave skydiving and Spartan Races? What do we learn from doing something risky? For our kids, or at work, what kinds of challenges make us stronger, and what burns us out?

It only costs $350 in entry fees to be this miserable.

Why do humans love extreme experiences?

Humans have always sought out extremes:

A fifth-century Syrian monk lived on top of a pillar for 36 years, drawing crowds of pilgrims seeking advice. (His inevitable answer: Climb up a pillar until your problems go away.)
A 63-year-old schoolteacher was the first person to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel in 1901. She was hoping to fund her retirement. It didn't work. (Pro-tip: sell tickets before climbing in the barrel.)
The German nudist August Engelhardt founded a colony in New Guinea devoted to eating only coconuts and worshiping the sun. (He ended up sunburnt, but with plenty of dietary fiber.)
Joshua Norton declared himself Emperor of the United States in 1859 and his adopted hometown of San Francisco played along for two decades, accepting his self-issued currency and giving him a state funeral.

Modern extremes are a bit tamer: skydiving, Spartan Races, crazy political organizations. Why do people do these things? Because some of us are more 'sensation seeking' than others: some brains are wired so that taking big risks delivers even bigger neurological rewards, like dopamine boosts. (You can test your own sensation seeking here.)

Whether an extreme experience feels fun or terrifying usually depends on how much control you believe you have. Everyone gets pre-performance jitters (racing heart, gurgling stomach, a compulsion to take selfies), but people who feel in control convert that anxious arousal into better performance. (So before jumping out of the plane, mentally catalog all the things you have control over.)

And skydiving works! People who do something extreme, even once (like jumping off a cliff or a Spartan Race), report higher levels of self-control and self-esteem for months afterward. Why? Because "benign masochism" helps us realize that common threats (pain, fear, exhaustion) pose less danger than we thought, which makes us braver to try other hard things (like asking a stranger on a date).

It was going so well until that last step. (Watch the video here.)

Okay, but what about my kids? When does extreme become too extreme?

Actually, kids usually benefit from extreme experiences — as long as they aren't too dangerous and they know they have your support.

Kids who get through one hard thing often develop 'global resilience': the ability to do other hard things.

But there are caveats: The hard thing must be manageable (they can realistically achieve their goal). It should build in intensity (small, escalating wins build resilience for harder tasks). And it should have an emotional component. (In one study, teens who attacked difficult physical challenges reported less social anxiety and more psychological resilience afterward — not because of the exercise itself, but because they overcame fears of failure.)

And how a parent responds matters. It's much better to praise kids for their effort ("you must've worked really hard to get that A!") than personality traits ("you must be really smart to get that A!") Why? Because kids develop an internal locus of control when they believe success is within their control ("I choose to work hard!"), rather than who they are ("I was born smart!"). You can test your locus of control here. (A typical question from the survey: How do you feel about someone with earthy body smells?)

This was the warm up lap. Things didn't get better.

How about at work? Is it okay to push my employees?

At work, there are different types of 'extreme': 'Challenge Stressors' (time urgency, expanded responsibilities, a complex task) tend to make employees happier (as long as they can realistically succeed), because they feel like they are growing. Whereas 'Hindrance Stressors' (role ambiguity, office politics, insufficient resources) cause burnout, because those things are outside an employee's control.

If you, or someone you know, feels burned out, remember that recovery has four elements: (1) psychological detachment (thinking about something else); (2) relaxation (physically winding down); (3) control (choosing how you spend your time); and (4) mastery (doing something you're good at). So, the next time you're feeling used up, go home, play some relaxing music, and spend the evening dominating your favorite video game.

And to squeeze every lesson from a challenge, talk about it afterward. Studies show that 'structured conversation' after a tough assignment boosts future performance by roughly 25%. The U.S. Army calls these 'after-action reviews', and the best ones include four questions: What was supposed to happen? What actually happened? Why was there a difference? What should we sustain or improve?

What's been your best extreme experience? (Skydiving? Spartan Races? Asking uncle Gary about his political views?) Let me know in the comments!